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If I ever retire — with the way things are going, I’ll be working posthumously — I will use my newfound freedom and heretofore undiscovered talent to do what I was apparently born to do: I’ll be a full-time babysitter for my three grandchildren. Dorothy Parker left the Algonquin after a 10-year lunch Went on a bender, came back for dinner, determined to find a new bunch. The women next to me had six donuts, which she happily handed out to everyone around her. Skin so tight you could bounce a tennis ball off their cheeks, strange plumped lip lines, hair extensions and huge enhancements up front. I felt like Shamu, and I’m the thinnest I’ve been in years. I put my hair in a bun, put on my goggles, set some gangsta rap on my water i Pod, and swam laps. Because we like to eat healthy, but we like spaghetti and meatballs, too. family of newspapers, which serve Madison, Chatham and Chester, New Jersey. Within a couple of minutes, the flames were going out on their own. “I swear this won’t happen again,” I said, embarrassed. I am now the proud owner of a terrific new grill, which I have used several times without incident. Whatever happened to the birthday parties of my childhood (an hour with a few friends being assaulted by wasps and fire ants at a city park or wearing little paper hats while being terrified by a creepy clown at Mc Donalds)? Partly in jest, I suggested a Mc Donalds party to Anna for this year, and she wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. There were dead flowers all over the floor.” Later during a commercial, Jon thanked me for watching his favorite action flick yet again. It’s just these days it’s more isometric than aerobic.” — Karen Galatz Karen Galatz is an award-winning journalist and human rights advocate.